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ripped from KAYLA's cold dead fingers   
04:35pm 20/08/2006
  1. What do you think of me, iTunes? boll weevil
2. Will I have a happy life? garden
3. What do my friends really think of me? rhapsody in blue
4. Do people secretly lust after me? hunt of the unnamed (OH SHIT IM BEING STALKED)
5. What does [insert significant other] think of me? oh l'amour (well that would be good IF I HAD ONE)
6. How can I make myself happy? in the rain
7. What should I do with my life? lose this skin
8. Why must life be so full of PAIN? istanbul (XD)
9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex? under the sea
10. Will I ever have children? star wars (...?)
11. Will I die happy? blister in the sun
12. Can you give me some advice? yasmin the light
13. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE? doraemon
14. What do you think happiness is? little sister (oh god. im not incestual i promice)
15. What's my favourite fetish? sing sing sing
16. How am I going to die? first breath after the coma (oh my)
17. What is the secret that I am keeping from the world? resurrecting the god warrior
18. Who is my secret lover? love of war
19. What am I subconsciously thinking RIGHT NOW? man's road
20. What is the meaning of life? trippin'
21. What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about? needle in the hay
22. Where do babies come from? sleepy head
23. What does your mom think of me? heartbeat
24. How did the world get here? proud mary (hmmmm)
25. What do I think about the president? vanity and friendship
26. Why am I asking you questions? obsession (HAHA)
27. Explain quantum physics in ten words or less. Deity
28. Why am I going to be rich and famous ten years from now? i'm blue
29. What is The Game (I lose)? cheerful cavalry (i lose)
30. Tell me about your mother. hypnotize
 
     

(4 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
08:56pm 02/08/2006
  just saw v for vendetta, it seriously blew my mind. it was a bit harrowing though. no breaks between bad shit. i was happy when it was over, it was so amazing tho. i totally reccomend it. MORE ON LIFE LATER! BYE  
     

( Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
08:36pm 01/08/2006
  life is good! i got attacked by insects tho. sadsad. but i get to talk to zev! happyhappy. its disconcerting to realize that you sabotage yourself by thinking people hate you and acting standoffish towards them when you don't, but now i know! and knowing is half the battle. i like not feeling really uber sad anymore. im past that emo for no reason stage YAY. but anyways. my hair is blue now yay. and flag camp this week, band camp next week. oh joy >.< i fear.  
     

(2 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
04:45pm 10/02/2006
  god i am sick as hell and today has been utter crap. gar. im bored with all this shit i think im gonna go to bed.  
     

( Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
05:24pm 25/01/2006
  man. i do not like life right now. i cant have a band, not that i really have anyone to blame but myself for that because i just dont wanna play an instrament. i cant go to cty because im too poor. i cant go to disneyworld with flags because apparently i'm "doing to many things this year." encounter and confirmation retreat. oh yeah. that totally makes up for disney world and cty. especially since i wont know anyone at the confirmation retreat because no one there is my age. my friends hardly ever talk to me at school anymore. i just cant find a good reason to continue living. not like im gonna kill myself or anything. im just lost. my life is becoming a serious let down, because every dream ive had is just being thrown away, one by one, and i hardly have anything else. i dont have anything to look forward to or to try for. i'm stuck. yeah well. gotta go do nothing. but sleep.  
     

(9 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
04:58pm 18/01/2006
  when it comes down to it, im just sick of her always winning. i think if i hold out long enough, shell fucking lose for once. i hate how she always says things that are total bullshit, i hate how she talks about people like sarah as if theyre the most horrible people in the world when shes no better. i hate how she acts like she has these unbreakable morals, and acts like shes such a great role model. i just hate her. she always says the things she knows hurt me most. and she knows it, and she says them anyway. i have decided that she is my enemy, and i will treat her as one until she stops.  
     

(3 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
04:03pm 17/01/2006
  i like these: go to google and search "(your name) is" and put in your favorite results.
-as Laura is gorgeous, has perfect features, looks great in the
stills, but never seems emotionally involved
-Laura is a beautiful!
-Laura is masseuse to the Emmanuelle
-I'm so glad Laura is gone
-What Laura is not, however, is a careful thinker
-The main concern for you, Laura, is to prevent low blood sugar
-The story about Laura is most definitely true.
-Lithe, blonde, and leggy, Laura is
-Nothing about Laura is natural
-Laura is an Elvis Impersonator!
-Laura is born
-Laura is a murder
-Laura is hopelessly peculiar and cannot survive
-Laura is wrapped up in her own little world
-Laura is here for Life,the Universe, and Everything (i forking love whoever said this even if its not directed at me)
-Laura is well-suited to a variety of uses
-Laura is dead
-Laura is glacial
-the real Laura is disappointing
-Laura is five years old!
-Laura is what I call a "1950s lady." That means a lady with class and manners(you know it hos)
-I think Laura is living in some kind of dream world
-Laura is also an observant “traditional” Jew
-Laura is so popular
-In my bed, Laura is quiet. Too quiet. I touch her. She is cold
-Laura is a gangsta give her a record deal or her cronies will shoot ya'll
-Laura is a fun girl. And there was this really big tittied waitresses there. Her boobs were going to explode. It was sick! You could kill someone with those...(LMFAO!!)
-Laura is more than just a voice
-Laura is antiseptically clean
-Laura is about deadly obsession

and ill stop there. FUN SHIT!
 
     

(2 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
CTY.   
06:32pm 06/01/2006
 
mood: will i ever be happy again?

i miss cty. i hate the fact that i was given 3 weeks of the most beautiful feeling ive ever felt just to have it torn away, probably forever. there are little things that make me almost cry for no reason...the smell of mane and tail conditioner, cause thats what i used all of cty, hearing in your eyes on my mom's ipod, seeing anthropomorphism on the board with the words "human" and "change" above it(i parsed it myself beneath...it gave me a rush, feeling like i was back at cty) but the worst was when they sang american pie before the play. they did maybe 2 callbacks, and i thought "hell i remember screming with molly and aliza and abby" oh man i feel so horrible and sad. i remember that one night when me and molly just screamed all the way back to the dorms and i remember telling laney she had amazing breasts and i remember aliza giving me a hug when i was crying, and i remember coming back from farmers market and feeling so happy and exhausted, and i remember the marriage pants and i remember passion fruit, and i remember going swimming with iggy and kayla and adena and noam and jewish josh, and i remember kayla creating chaos in class and getting yelled at by chelsea, and i remember for the first time in my life, i was never really alone. no matter what, even after people were nasty to me, even when i thought no one cared, there was always someone there. when nixon was a bitch to me, and i came into the hall meeting crying, aliza let me cry on her shoulder. even when chris put raving before me and i was about to cut all of my hair off, molly came and kept me company and changed my mind. i remember when i had no money left for food and i was exhausted and we went on hall bonding and sarah gave me some extra money and we all played silent football afterwards. i remember so well, but it isnt like being there. i just hope i can do something to make some extra money before then.
i'll leave you with this sentiment:


Base/Base/Suffix
Nost/alg/ia
(Base1)Nost(Assimilation of Mne-: memory and Stal-:to send, draw): To bring to memory, to recall
(Base2)Alg-: Pain
(Suffix)-Ia: Quality of, state of
Definition: A state of painful recalling

I parsed this myself at CTY, but only truly learned its meaning afterwards.
~The memories hurt, but I'll never forget.

 
     

(9 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
06:56pm 05/01/2006
  im kind of depressed about life right now. it would be awesome if someone called me...
...301 869 4557
 
     

(16 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
06:52pm 05/01/2006
  Reply to this post, and I'll tell you one of a lot of reason[s] why I like/love/adore you. Then put this in your own journal, and spread the love.
^_^
 
     

(5 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
10:49pm 02/12/2005
  im not doing flags anymore. and i practiced. and i wanted to do it. and i tried so fucking hard. and now i cant. because shes there. and shell always be making me hate her, just for the hell of it. i guess all i can hope for is that the next year and a half go by quickly. then ill only have to see her on holidays and vacation. i won't have to deal with her shit every week. but i cant do flags. and i wanted to so bad....even before caroline wanted to. and now i never can.  
     

(4 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
10:57pm 08/11/2005
  you know what's even worse than a right-wing extremist? a liberal extremist. you know whats even worse than that? when they're your teacher. and i dont think i can go to respect club anymore knowing that shell be there. i cant believe that she assumed that what i was collecting money for was an anti-abortian pregnancy clinic simply because i learned about it from my church. i was rather insulted by the things she said, especially since they made me doubt the intentions of something i believed in. what she said was discriminatory. i dont care if she said that i could have my own beliefs afterwards. i was insulted and hurt. i hate having people that i think are nice turn around and be incredibly asanine. i hate that. especially since now i have to see her everyday and know that i cant possibly ever respect her again. and my friends are gonna ask me to come to respect club, and what am i gonna be able to say? damn, if only people could listen to themselves. i thought she was better than that. i hate misjudging people that way.  
     

(5 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
07:59am 07/11/2005
  http://s39.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0KRKMKWH6BV0O1A0JUGS06Y2WH <= a present for steph. go ahead and steal it as well if youre not steph. its an awesome song ^_^  
     

( Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
10:35pm 05/11/2005
  it's been a good night. you ask me how i know its been good? my tongue is numb, and i smell like guy. its been a helluva good night.  
     

(5 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
12:58pm 04/11/2005
  found out that im epidermically allergic to kool aid. haha. betcha didnt know that.  
     

( Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
06:11pm 03/11/2005
  i feel sad. i feel like my hair was a fiasco and now it continues to look like shit. i've got the worst acne ever on my chin, and i dont hardly even feel like celeberating my birthday. i feel ugly and alone, and...mostly alone. and ugly. damn the world. im to tired to be happy. it takes too much energy. i wish i didnt have to try so hard at it.  
     

(6 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
05:49pm 31/10/2005
  yeah. i wish i had someone to go with this halloween....unfortunately, all my friends have someone else they'd rather go with. dammit why do i always get left home alone? FUCK.  
     

(1 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
06:36pm 26/10/2005
  i hate it when something bad happens and i feel like i can't deal with it like a normal person. i hate the feeling i get when i just wanna hit my head against the walls as hard as possible. i hate the feeling i get when i just wanna make myself bleed. i wish i knew how to stop being such an asshole and deal with my problems like a normal human being. i hate feeling selfish and lazy, mostly because i am selfish and lazy. i wish i had someone to talk to, i wish i could just have some time to sleep and cry, i feel so sick and tired...why do i have to feel like shit all the time? i hate this.  
     

(5 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )

 
kidnapped from kayla   
03:42pm 26/10/2005
 

what's this?? surverys?! BLASPHEMY!!!Collapse )

 
     

( Stuff it up your nose )

 
   
03:09pm 26/10/2005
  after school, i got on the bus. i hung out for about 15 minutes until i realized people were getting off. i did such. we got on the bus in front of us. the bus number was...
42.
what is it a sign of?
 
     

(4 Raisins | Stuff it up your nose )